Sunday, February 12, 2006
A Clear and Peppermint Danger
The other day I was on a trip and staying in one of the mediocre hotels we stay in. I can't remember which one...maybe La Quinta. (Which is Spanish for No Workout Room) It was one of those days where I report in the late morning so I get to sleep in and have a bit of breakfast. Pretty routine. But, then I started watching TV and got distracted. Next thing you know...I'm running late. Damn those MythBusters! So I go into Scramble Mode (Non-airline people call it Panic Mode but I'm a professional) and grab my toiletries. I Start the shower and grab the necessities. After you've been doing this as long as I have, you get to be pretty good at it. For instance, I know that when you grab the soap, you always grab the bigger bar because the smaller is the "Facial Bar." I know this because it says "Facial Bar" right on the front in tiny micro writing that you can only see with a scanning electron microscope. This is why it is important to know the bigger bar is the "Bath Bar." Of course, the only difference is the size. It's not like I stay at the type of hotels that give you a different type of soap for different parts of the body. If you go to really nice hotels, they give you the "Elbow Bar", "Navel Wash", "Nuckle Oil" and "Achilles Tendon Lotion" and stuff like that. But my company's not made of money so it's just big bar, little bar.
Anyway...I grabbed a towel and the shampoo. The shampoo is the clear bottle. The others are cloudy because they have conditioner and lotion. (The regular kind, not Achilles Tendon) Do you see all the knowledge I have? I'm tossin' out pearls of wisdom here, people.
So, it's into the shower and let the cleaning begin. I'm following the usual routine, things are going pretty good and it comes time for the hair washing. I open the shampoo and pour some into my hand. Hum...They sure cut their shampoo a lot. It's kind of runny. As I bring it up to my head, I catch an odd whiff as it goes by my nose. Hum...Mint...That's an odd choice for a shampoo. You usually see that in... And as I throw it on my head, it becomes overwhelming clear that I have just dowsed myself with Mouthwash. As I stand there with my runny mint head, I am enraged. No, not because the Flight Attendants will forever refer to me as the First Officer with the minty fresh hair. No, I want to know who didn't read the manual about the clear bottle always being the shampoo. Mouthwash?...What the hell's wrong with this world?
So I step out, soaking wet, dripping water and mouthwash all over the floor and look for the shampoo. Of course, I first have to go to my suitcase and get out my scanning electron microscope in order to read the micro-writing on the other bottles. Ah...Here's the problem. There's a bottle of...Conditioning Shampoo!(not clear)...And a bottle of Conditioner? Who needs that much conditioner? I live in Phoenix...it hasn't rained in 115 days...It's like 0.004% humidity and I don't need that much conditioner. People in Hell don't need that much conditioner. The whole point of putting the conditioner in with the shampoo is so you don't need the Conditioner! I've seen the commercials. The guy in the lab coat and the two streams being poured into the same bottle magically becoming one. This is science. These guys know what they're doing...They have lab coats! Why are people always trying to second guess the scientists? After all, they're working for us... humanity...To save us time...Because we're in a hurry to get ready and, damn it, I don't have time to rinse mouthwash out of my hair! Now I'm never going to know if you can break out of a Mexican jail using only Salsa and an electrical cord. ...Damn you MythBusters!
The other day I was on a trip and staying in one of the mediocre hotels we stay in. I can't remember which one...maybe La Quinta. (Which is Spanish for No Workout Room) It was one of those days where I report in the late morning so I get to sleep in and have a bit of breakfast. Pretty routine. But, then I started watching TV and got distracted. Next thing you know...I'm running late. Damn those MythBusters! So I go into Scramble Mode (Non-airline people call it Panic Mode but I'm a professional) and grab my toiletries. I Start the shower and grab the necessities. After you've been doing this as long as I have, you get to be pretty good at it. For instance, I know that when you grab the soap, you always grab the bigger bar because the smaller is the "Facial Bar." I know this because it says "Facial Bar" right on the front in tiny micro writing that you can only see with a scanning electron microscope. This is why it is important to know the bigger bar is the "Bath Bar." Of course, the only difference is the size. It's not like I stay at the type of hotels that give you a different type of soap for different parts of the body. If you go to really nice hotels, they give you the "Elbow Bar", "Navel Wash", "Nuckle Oil" and "Achilles Tendon Lotion" and stuff like that. But my company's not made of money so it's just big bar, little bar.
Anyway...I grabbed a towel and the shampoo. The shampoo is the clear bottle. The others are cloudy because they have conditioner and lotion. (The regular kind, not Achilles Tendon) Do you see all the knowledge I have? I'm tossin' out pearls of wisdom here, people.
So, it's into the shower and let the cleaning begin. I'm following the usual routine, things are going pretty good and it comes time for the hair washing. I open the shampoo and pour some into my hand. Hum...They sure cut their shampoo a lot. It's kind of runny. As I bring it up to my head, I catch an odd whiff as it goes by my nose. Hum...Mint...That's an odd choice for a shampoo. You usually see that in... And as I throw it on my head, it becomes overwhelming clear that I have just dowsed myself with Mouthwash. As I stand there with my runny mint head, I am enraged. No, not because the Flight Attendants will forever refer to me as the First Officer with the minty fresh hair. No, I want to know who didn't read the manual about the clear bottle always being the shampoo. Mouthwash?...What the hell's wrong with this world?
So I step out, soaking wet, dripping water and mouthwash all over the floor and look for the shampoo. Of course, I first have to go to my suitcase and get out my scanning electron microscope in order to read the micro-writing on the other bottles. Ah...Here's the problem. There's a bottle of...Conditioning Shampoo!(not clear)...And a bottle of Conditioner? Who needs that much conditioner? I live in Phoenix...it hasn't rained in 115 days...It's like 0.004% humidity and I don't need that much conditioner. People in Hell don't need that much conditioner. The whole point of putting the conditioner in with the shampoo is so you don't need the Conditioner! I've seen the commercials. The guy in the lab coat and the two streams being poured into the same bottle magically becoming one. This is science. These guys know what they're doing...They have lab coats! Why are people always trying to second guess the scientists? After all, they're working for us... humanity...To save us time...Because we're in a hurry to get ready and, damn it, I don't have time to rinse mouthwash out of my hair! Now I'm never going to know if you can break out of a Mexican jail using only Salsa and an electrical cord. ...Damn you MythBusters!
// posted by Chris @ Sunday, February 12, 2006
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